Email Subscriber Tagging Geo-location and Endorphin Boost with Nano-Technology

While reviewing analytics for a Fortune 100 company, they posed the question how can we better track and increase purchases through email marketing.  So the brain-trust at Inbox Group went to work in partnership with the Nano-Technology Dept. at M.I.T.  After years of development and testing on mice, bunnies and college students, we are finally ready to release our new tracking system.

With our Ultimate Tagging System (UTS) you’ll get our Tagging gun and 500 Nano-Endorphin-Geo Tags. It’s important to remember that you must have the subscriber’s permission before tagging them.  Once tagged the Nano-Fuild is absorbed into the skin and then the fluid congeals to create a small tracking device which then travels through the body and attaches itself to the subscribers brain-stem. The subscriber can be tracked through our Google Maps integration.  Controls for the Endorphin Boost can be triggered directly from the Tagging User-Interface.

Below you’ll see a video of a subscriber being tagged and then with the endorphin boost activated, he runs off to buy a new shirt.

When tracking the subscriber, if they visit your online store you are notified so you can boost the subscribers endorphin levels and increase their likelihood of making a purchase.  The great part of this system is you never need to reload as the device is powered through neuron-transmitters in the brain and Endorphins are collected throughout the lifecycle and saved until a boost is needed.  You can even use it to track subscribers when they visit your brick and mortar locations and hit them with a double dose.  One of the side effects is that some subscribers will twitch uncontrollably and that can be very entertaining if you are within viewing range.

This new system can help any business to increase sales and customer satisfaction.  The tracking data is unlike anything offered before.  Not only do you get enhanced Opens, clicks, etc.  You now have a complete view of all their activities and where they went each day.

Now you may be asking, what if I see my subscriber viewing a competitor’s website or going into a competitor’s store?  We have an add-on for that.  It’s called the LOBC (loss of bowel control) Trigger.  With the LOBC, if your subscriber should wander on to a competitor’s website or store you simply click the LOBC button and boom!  He’s running for the nearest restroom (if he makes it that far).  After a few LOBC’s have been administered, the subscriber out of pure fear will no longer view or visit your competitor anymore.

As many of you probably agree, this technology has been a long time coming.  But now it’s here now and ready to deploy in your marketing plan.  Please contact us @inboxGroup on Twitter.

P.S. Watch your back!

Cheers, Chris
(You do realize that this is a joke, right?)