The Email Geeks Poetry Slam: The Raven

What happens when you get a group of email geeks talking about Halloween?  Why a rewrite of Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven, of course!

The Raven is 18 stanzas.  We’ve rewritten the first 6 and invite others to add the next dozen stanzas in Poe order.

To make it a little more fun, The Email Geeks Poetry Slam is posted at theeMailGuide, InboxGroup, Luke Glasner.com and Red Pill Email.  That means that there is an opportunity to add three different versions of the remaining stanzas, and 3 possible endings.

Join in by adding your own verses, and then visit each of the blogs hosting The Email Geeks Poetry Slam to see how each version turns out.  Think of it as Email Trick-or-Geek.

Happy Halloween!

Once upon a Monday dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a useless email all so easy to ignore
While I deleted, clearing clutter, suddenly there came a flutter,
Telling me there was another, hoping one I’d opted for.
`Make it b1gger’, ‘Rolex watches’, ‘Married women want to score’ –
Only this, and nothing more.’  — John Caldwell

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate email sendor wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I trashed the spammer; – vainly I had sought to hammer
From my tweets surcease of sorrow – sorrow for the lost sendor –
For the rare relevant email whom would not be deemed spammor –
Nameless here for evermore.  — Jim Ducharme

And the silken sad uncertain deletion of each unwanted email
Thrilled me – shook me with esoteric terrors never felt before;
So that now, even now, to still the checking of my email, I stood repeating
`’Tis some unholy visitor entreating entrance at my sacred inbox door-
Some late unholy visitor entreating entrance at my sacred inbox door; –
This it is, and nothing more,’  — Ryan Phelan

Presently my soul grew stronger; checking my inbox then no longer,
`SPAM,’ said I, `or WTF, stop emailing me, I implore;
But the fact is I was crapping, and so abruptly you came rapping,
And so roughly you came tapping, tapping at my sacred inbox door,
What the hell, I’m sure I heard you’ – here I opened wide the door; –
SPAM in there, and nothing more.  — Rory Carlyle

Deep into my inbox peering, long I sat there, wondering, fearing
Doubting, reading email no mortals ever read before;
But the silence was finally broken, and the action triggered token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered words,
They Opened?, This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the words,
“They opened!” Merely this, and nothing more. They bought nothing from my store.  — Chris Donald

Back into my inbox turning, considering my computer burning,
Soon again I heard the CPU fans turning, somewhat louder than before
Overclocking said I, overclocking, fans running galore because of memory tax by antivirus (ok so antivirus does not really rhythm with lattice)
Let me see then, what this hack is, this mystery CPU usage to explore
Let my heart be still a moment, please post a worm removal tool to explore?
’Tis just some tracking cookies and nothing more!  — Luke Glasner